SOMETHING THAT U (MIGHT BE) NOT UNDERSTAND

the differences sometimes makin' me crazy,,

when people get their price by skin they have.

When people think that they have power just because they come from such a big country.

when money be everything, when it becoming the most powerfull thing in this world.

and when i, try to be nice but world is too much wild for me.

when we cant always do what we want or the thing coming up like what we hoping for...

when i, prefer people to call me "an ordinary girl" than "a nice girl". but, people get it wrong...

wrong at all...

our different cultures be the problem. our different mind be the matter. our different custom,,

be such a pity...

and they said, it such a pity why i choose this way. this way that they think its stupid for a "cute girl" like me, and they said, i dont take profit from my life. i dont want to enjoy my life, i dont want to live like "ordinary people".

and... im asking my self, "ordinary people? what ordinany people?" everywhere i go, i meet "ordinary people" with their own culture.

and i dont think that it is strange. i dont think that they are stupid, i dont say that what they do is bad, i just think that they are different. yea, they are just different, we just different...

with their custume and what they believe in. doesnt mean they are strange or it such a pity just because they are different, once again, we just different...

or when i, choose this way... my friends, my family happy for me,, curious about me, worry about me, they said, i should keep my faith and be strong inside, no matter what will happen with me, GOD will always with me if i always with ALLAH.

they proud of me, and they say, "dont change ur self, be confident, be strong, how hard it will be!!!" its the reason my mom feel afraid to let me go. she's afraid of this "wild life", thats also the reason why i always take a breath everytime i see the tour eiffel in the picture. a journey that was only in my dream, And well, yea, mom really know that im kind of a rebel girl that she know very well she cant stop me to doing something i really like.

But mom believe me,, and its me, Rebelabelle, a rebel that stay in the line... i want to explore this world, i want to explore my life, but i know my limit, it doesnt like that im in a cage, no, im really unlimited, i just know my limit, the limit that i made by my self. Imagine im just a human being, who want to explore this world and searching the end of the world, but i know i cant find it anyway...

Or its like i can see the blue sky but i dont know what it is behind the blue sky that i love... Its like i really adore the beach with its blue sea, but i dont know whats up in the deep of the sea...

Oh, yea, yes. im alone, i dont have anything. the only thing i have in me is my faith, and only this faith that i will keep until im dead someday. nothing cant change it. most people here think that im stupid. im beautiful, they said. im cute enough to atracting them. With my cute smile and my spanking eyes, its really easy to get a guy in a nite. Yes. In a night. Oh, no, for a night. That it is. Men were atracting by me in the first place. They wanting my phone number and asking me out in week ends. But when they know me more, they go away faster or slowly from me, sooner or later. And im just smiling, tired of laughing, and just seeing them looking for another girls. i have a cute smile, and it will be verry nice to kissing me. ya. kissing me. Someone really told me that. Hah! and it will be great to touch my body. every part of it. Oh yea,, go to hell then! I really not interested in u anyway... u really losing the point at the very first place.

it seems really great to see me naked, and spending the night along with me. and u tell me the romantis things in my ears, while u huging me, until the next day, we back to our routinity.

is this what u call life? is this what u call "profiter bien ta vie?" is this... when the other night u share your bed with other girl?

yea, they said, its stupid to keep virgin until our mariage, and what for? how could we know how good our partner in bed if we do it after the mariage? to be honest, its hurting me when a man said this thing to me. its like... u looking into a girl just for in bed. like they are sooo priceless. and if so, u dont need a girlfriend or getting married. u can pay a girl to satisfied u in bed all nite long. or,, yea, u search a girlfriend only to get it for free? And when u know she cant “dance” enough for u in bed, or her boops cant satisfied u, u’ll search a reason to dump her out from ur life. Or... should i call it, ur “sex life?” for me, its really such a pity... and for u,, its such a pity that u cant bring me to ur bed.

and,, these guys, who i have a private conversation with, they asked me, why i dont wanna do it? Its really feel great, huh! u know? dont u wanna try? ah, yea, and i said, "i know how great it will be, but i dont mind to wait until my marriage" .

"are u sure ur husband also a virgin?" they asked me with so much curiosity.

"no. and he doesnt need too" answer me. "its all just back to ourself how we face our life."

"and if so, why u insist to keep ur self virgin?" (they all asking me the same question and ended up by “if u wanna try how great is it, u know where to call me up!”)

yea, and this is my answer, the answer that make them feel unbelievable, a reason that they think its so stupid.

"well,, i keep virgin as my faith to GOD, for the shake HE (ALLAH) gave me, for all the grace, for all the good things HE bring into my life..."

this answer - its something so ridiculous for them. how i - trust in GOD and really do what GOD want me to do. And, someone told me,

“doing sex is also the way we apreciate what HE just created for us. So, why we dont just enjoy it?”. Yes. GOD created it for us so we can enjoy it. Thats why GOD created us completely, with the mind, with the senses we have, and also the feeling... we dont like the animals, GOD want us to do it legaly only with our partner who we call them “husband/wife”. Many reason why GOD want us to do it after a marriage. And i believe u are not stupid enought to knowing the answer. But, its really sad for me cause most man just ASKING me for the asnwer, without trying to SEARCH the answer.

there are some who do sex in the name of love...

"Love is the name and Sex is the game"

there are some who do sex in the name of passion...

"forget the name, LEts play the game"

all they do is spending the night with a person that they dont know this person closely. they may be met in the street, in a club, and then decided to spending the night together...

for these guys, sex is only a sport, that they "dancing" in the bed, sweating, laughing, smiling, and feel satisfied with what they just did... and in the other night, they do the same ritual with different "partner".

sex is for killing time,, to make u feel great, to make u feel "im the Man!" by counting how many girls u have slept with.

they even dont believe that GOD is insist in this world. that HE created us, that HE's the ALMIGHTY in this world who can do anything to please HIMSELF. or maybe,, they just ignore the existance of GOD cause they wont do what GOD want them to do. for these people - RULES are made to be broken.

they will not understand - something that u will not understand,, that i found a miracle HE brought into my life, many times HE saved my life, always gave me what i wishing for, and until today, and i really know that i never do the best for HIM. U might be laughing at me, u maybe smiling of my conservative way, and u mocking me behind... but i dont care, i dont care at all...

u will not understand - until one day, u see the gate of the death.

u will playing ur life like a game - until u see the death almost calling u out loud.

u will laughing hardly - until u see the spirits of the death people dancing in front of u.

for me, who know how precious my life is, that the dark really scaring me off, when seeing the spirit of death people making me run away and screaming, i will really take profit from my life with the good things... no one know how long we'll life in this world...

but how about with a person who ever feel how does it feel in the time ur life will be end ?

how does it feel when u cant say sorry to people u love because they cant see u anymore?

how does it feel when u cant fix all problems u made just because u are not live anymore?

what will u do after?

well, ok... i dont think its hard to keep virgin (except if u having a boyfriend that always asking u to do the same thing in fact he know the answer and always trying his best to get u). i dont think its difficult to control my self. as long as i have a faith inside me, it will be okay. As long as u always think positive, everything will be alright. And once again, u know the limit.

as long as GOD in my heart and all the people who love me support me behind, everything will be okay. its not hard at all... for all the good things GOD gave me, for all the wishes HE always did for me, and for always be my guardian, is it too hard for me to do what HE want me to do?

no. nothing at all...